There’s only a few copies of The Annual #001 left, get it now before Issue #002 arrives! You won’t be sorry (and if you are, what are you appogizing for? You gave us money!)
500 copies of our very first issue are printing as we speak! Which means it’s only a matter of time before they get shipped out to those of you who kickstarted us. Those who didn’t will be able to order your own copies soon enough (online store coming soon).
Get excited folks, this is happening!
If I told you I was tired would you force pour three red bulls down my throat? Cuz that’s true love.
Merry Christmas! I hope you love this card as much as the squirrels loved the tree this card was made from.
Hey life, if it’s all over tomorrow, I enjoyed being your friend.
The Annual’s Tips and Tricks for Surviving Thanksgiving
- Graciously accept a glass of wine whenever your host (or hostess) offers one to somebody else.
- Don’t skimp on the Turkey, there’s a smorgasbord of side dishes that everyone’s clamoring for-but none with enough tryptophan to put you out before halftime.
- Try to picture your boring, naggy relatives in their underwear and watch them become your boring, sexy relatives.
- Start a controlled fire in your deep fryer and enjoy the chaos that ensues.
- Respect the post-thanksgiving feast nap, especially if the person taking the nap is your cousin who just got out of jail.
- Always keep your keys in your pocket, you’re going to need them for a fast get away and for security when your uncle has had seven bud lights.
- Beware of the over indulgent forks. You’ll know you have one when you feel full within five minutes of starting dinner.
- Dress up like a dead turkey and stuff yourself in the oven. As a joke.
- Don’t be afraid to let your rage fester, it’ll come in handy on Black Friday
- If any of the following topics come up during dinner, retreat to the kids table:
Who will carve the turkey, what gravy really looks like, who gets the last crescent roll, vegetarianism, veganism, abortion, The election, Israel, gay elmo, your grandmas toenail, tissue boxes, Lost, what was found in your baby cousins diaper, facebook pokes, “Kid’s don’t know the value of a dollar”, 4000 calorie dinner, running sports, jumping sports, fake sports, the favorite grandchild, “Justin Beiber is a lesbian”, “Lesbians aren’t real”, The lesbian your brother is dating, The color of grandpas booger which has just landed in the cranberry sauce, “How do I turn on my iPad?”, Steve Jobs ghost is possessing your aunts right pinky, When, where and how your mother lost her virginity, diabetes induced exercise, “Do you think Donald Trump’s pubes look like his hair?”
- Invest in a pair of thanksgiving pregnancy pants available anywhere baby clothes are sold or in your 16 year old sister’s closet.
- Remember that no one wants to know how the turkey carcas is perfect for your sculpture about meat eaters.
- Tie your pets together and hold your own parade.
- Burn the turkey; it will insure you don’t host thanksgiving next year.
- Do an Al Roker impression. It’s the only day such an impression is relevant.
Good people of the internet, with any luck you are here because a week ago I said I would be making an announcement on this page. That or with any luck this message has been spread about like the latest West Nile outbreak and now the whole world is excited.
I’ve never been one to make an…
Get excited, The Annual is happening!